Like many others, lockdown has given me a lot of time to think about what I want in life. Not that I didn’t know anyway! But I guess being stuck at home has made me think even more about my priorities, including relationships.
Effort and exhaustion
I’m the sort of person who puts 110% effort into everything I do and I’m just at the point where I’ve run out of energy for a relationship. I’ve given past partners (*cringe*) so much love, thought and support that I’m absolutely exhausted.
Previous relationships, both serious and not so serious, have taken so much out of me that I’m hesitant to go through the process again. In fact, I feel drained even thinking about meeting someone. The constant texting, getting to know each other, fitting into each other lives… I cannot be bothered!
Living alone
Plus, I really want to live on my own for a while. When I buy my first house, I want to do exactly what I want. No distractions, compromises or consideration for anyone else. I’ve done my fair share of sacrificing for other people and now is the time to be completely selfish, so to speak.
I’m still going to want to help others because it’s in my nature. I can’t turn off my compassion at the drop of a hat. But for now, I have to put my own interests first rather than everyone else’s. For the sake of my sanity! I really need a break from worrying about others.
I’m not saying I’m going to be single forever (if I am then so be it) but it would take the right person and a massive amount of effort on their part to make me change my mind. Above all, I deserve the same energy and effort I give out so freely.
It’s time to focus on myself!